Things are scary right now with possible Health Care Reform looming on the horizon and no place is more scary than California. Which is why Noah and Catherine brought their family to Arizona this weekend! It seems that several of their kids had some warts that needed to be looked at. So of course they came to a professional: Dr Jason Scott. His first patient was a very nervous looking Adam. Dr Scott pulled out a pumice stone and started buffing Adam’s ankle. All of the Doctor’s interns (Andrew, Anthony, Megan, Ashton, Chloe) gathered around “oohing” and “ahhing”. Then with a casual “This might hurt”-- very reminiscent of the dentist saying “you might feel a little pinch” before jabbing a needle into your mouth at which point you have a sudden desire to punch someone and wonder if you learned the wrong definition of pinch back in grade school and just what else did you learned incorrectly—But I digress. Dr Scott laid the instrument of torture against Adam’s newly buffed and shiny wart and there was a moment of expectant silence before his eyes widened and he let out a strangled “Ow!”. Immediately, the doctor’s assistants began shouting encouragement: “Count to Twenty! Squeeze Daddy’s hand! It’s almost over! Be Brave!” And then amazingly it was over. About 8 heads all bent over to examine the now frozen section of his ankle.
Next it was Chloe’s turn. She had a very small wart on a finger and condescended to allow the Dr to examine it. Since this was no longer a novel experience, the Dr’s interns stopped paying attention and started discussing more important things like whether it was too late to go to the park. Then suddenly Chloe was done and was hopping up and down “It’s getting smaller! It’s getting Smaller! It’s gone!” Then holding her finger aloft she announced “I’m going to go put my finger in water” and swept out of the room while her two faithful attendants (Andrew and Anthony) followed adoringly behind.
That left Ashton and the two warts on her feet. She was very reluctant and had to be taunted about Adam’s manliness and threatened with visions of her toe being amputated at a later date before she finally agreed. She started by soaking her foot in a pan of vinegar (which she said “felt weird”). Then Dr Scott again intoned the dreaded words “This might hurt” and laying the pumice stone to her toe began scrubbing furiously. She promptly started giggling. “Does it hurt?” Megan asked. “No, it feels weird, sort of like a rug burn” at which point all the adults snorted and said “You’ve obviously never had a real rug burn”. She continued to be ticklish until her wart was exposed. Then the propane was applied. Again nothing happened for the first few seconds. Then “wow, that’s cold” followed by “How long is 40 seconds?” and finally “ow, ow, ow”. Ashton put a pillow over her head and Megan curled up into a ball and buried her head in a pillow too because she couldn’t bear to watch. But finally, a long tense moment and a few tears later, it was all over.
We’re still waiting for the lab results to come back but you’ll all be relieved to know the prognosis is good.
